"You don't need 12 year-old friends..."

This is probably the best piece of advice that I received during the entire institute. I my last post, I was reflecting on classroom management and whether or not it was/is something that I was/am going to be good at. In other words, could I whip these students into shape? Some of you are thinking - Of course! Amy is a very assertive and out-going person. And sure, I think of myself as a fairly outspoken person, but also as an EXTREME people pleaser. Toddler, adult, senior, teen, it doesn't matter. I want their approval and I want to be well liked. I definitely felt this with my new students. I found myself wrestling with the desire to be a good teacher/leader, but also being someone that they enjoyed having as a teacher and who was fun and endearing.

There was one particular day when my rambunctious 5th graders would NOT settle down. It was at the end of their school day and it was also Friday. They were ready to get out of there (and so was I!). No matter how hard I tried, they would not stop with their side-chit-chat, and I could only get them to focus for about 2 minutes at a time. Because of this, we did not make it all the way through our lesson. I was so frustrated. I ended up moving ALL of them down the consequence chart (a chart on the chalkboard that indicated how each student was behaving, if a student is misbehaving, they get moved down and must face the consequences, which get more servere with each offense). They were not happy. And neither was I.

All weekend I thought about how I had to go back into the classroom the next Monday and face my kids. Would they be thinking about how mean Ms. Congdon was last week? Would they resent the fact that I got mad at them? I had forgotten how forgiving children are. I didn't feel like anything bad had happened the previous week. It was just like any other day. I was so relieved, but also puzzled. Maybe I didn't need to worry about my kids liking me. Maybe they actually respected how I disciplined them on that Friday afternoon.

A few days later, I attended a mini-workshop on classroom management. Each person there had to share what they struggled with most when it comes to managing our classrooms. I shared my desire for my students to like me, and one of the leaders of the workshop reminded me that my students don't have to like me for them to respect me. "You don't need 12 year-old friends," she reminded me. "Establish your classroom culture of respect first, the like will come later." I can't remember what that persons name is, but thank you. I am a teacher. My students don't have to like me, but they need to respect me and listen to me so I can teach them important things that will inevitably change their lives. And I definitely do not need 12 year-old friends. :)