Oh, my...

Well, since no one has checked this blog in a while, and I've not posted in quite some time either...maybe there is a connection? It's a bit overwhelming to think about posting something regarding my life. If only I could describe what happens to me in an average day. And yet, it's all become completely normal.

I know I said that joing TFA would be the most difficult thing I'd probably ever do, but I was also kind of hoping that I was wrong. I'm not. I cannot imagine doing anything more difficult, or more important (except maybe raising my own children) than what I am currently doing now.

Today my kids decided to do an activity that involved chocolate (something I actually planned) for the first part of class, and then run around the classroom and walk in and out of the door for the second half. Did I mention I teach 8th grade and NOT kindergarten? Oh, dear...but, this is what I do.

One of my student asked me the other day if he thought teachers would still come to school and teach if they didn't get paid. I said, some of them, but probably not all. Then he asked me if I would. I simply told him yes. I don't go teach for the money (who would for what we get paid??). I would NEVER continue this job if it was just for the money. Getting a pay check every other week is not what keeps me going. I get up and go to school in the morning in hopes that at least one student will learn something new that day. At least one student will take something I teach them and use it in the future. At least one student will know that they are valued and loved. Even if it's just one - it's worth it.

I'm being a bad student...:)

Um, sure. Yes, I'm going to post every day. :)

I'm currently sitting in my weekend math module. And yes, I am writing a blog. I'm like the student in my class who is writing a note or "secretly" trying to play his PSP. We're talking about geometry, and since I do not teach geometry (at least not at this level) I thought maybe I better update!

Yesterday I took a student's cell phone, after she plugged it in the wall to charge it (I'm not kidding...what was she thinking??). She got really mad, and I had put it in my pocket so she couldn't get it. She started to pull my posters off the wire they were hanging on. She did cool down eventually, and was later suspended, along with her side kick. I will not see them next week. Thank goodness, and at the same time I am sad. When they work they are amazing. It is rare, but it is those rare moments that make me smile and remind me that it truly is worth it.

This coming week is going to be a crazy one. We have only two full days of school and then three half days with conferences (though I am leaving early Friday morning to go HOME!!).

• Will the kids listen? No.

• Do they ever listen? Maybe.

• Am I still happy I made this choice? Yes.

• Am I learning from them? Absolutely.

• Is it hard? I'm not sure how to emphasize "yes" enough.

So, why do I do it? Because, as I was reminded yesterday, somehow, I am better than anything other options my students might have. If I wasn't there, they would have a full-time sub. And even if I am not doing a really good job of teaching yet, my students know (somewhere in their minds) that I show up each day because I love them and want to see them get the opportunities they should have in life. And because I want them to love learning.

Oops...I dropped the ball!

Clearly I am not that talented at keeping up a blog - although I have good intentions!

I received an email today that made me realize, oops. I should probably be updating! So, here's the new goal. A short post each night that will take no longer than five minutes. I can definitely spare five minutes. :)

Ah, Tilden. It has been full of challenges so far. Most days I wake up and am still in shock that I need to get up, get ready, and go to school...to teach! My eight graders are a handful, as much I as really do love them. It has been up and down, and up and down with these kids. So many things have happened in the last almost four months. Here's a quick rundown:

• I just got a new section of students two weeks ago from today. That's right. I got 25 new students at the end of November. It has been a challenge. I did not (nor do I still) know these kids, other than by name. I am not sure what to make of them most days, and my rapport with them is still something to be worked on.
• As of last week my students (all of the eighth grade) were forced to stay in their homeroom classes for their expressive arts (elective) classes. This means, whenever I have a prep period, my kids are in the classroom. So much for prepping...
• Several of my students have shown tremendous growth in the last few months. One girl in particular continues to surprise me. With English still being a struggle for her, she has overcome that weakness and is kicking my math classes butt!

Most days it is hard to get up and convince myself that it's going to be a good day (because most of the time they're not), but each morning I am reminded of why I am doing what I'm doing. Every morning I drive into the disheveled neighborhood and think about how unfair it is that these kids, simply by being born into this neighborhood, have so much less than I and so many others in our country. It is a crime. Literally.

Lastly for tonight, you can check out a talk I gave at my church, The Well, and while you're there, check out the website. I love my church...they are my sustaining force right now. Thanks everyone!

Update coming soon

I realize that I have not updated this site in quite some time. If you can imagine, the life of a teacher is hectic and non-stop. I am enjoying teaching very much, but it has many challenges and surprises. I will have a three day weekend this coming weekend, and fully intend to post a long, overdue update. The students at Tilden Middle School are quite a handful, but I have no doubt in their ability to learn and be extremely successful. It may take the entire year to see that begin, but I am determined. Until this weekend...wish me luck!

The First Day of the Rest of My Life

This pretty much describes how I'm viewing tomorrow at this point. Oh, by the way, tomorrow is the first day of school! I realize I went a bit MIA for a few weeks, but I am still here. I have spent the last few days feverishly preparing for my first day with students at Tilden Middle School in southwest Philadelphia, PA. I will be teaching 8th grade math. Three classes, 90 minutes each. Almost 100 students. That is a lot different than the 12 I taught this summer. Am I ready?
I cannot believe they are letting me teach. Part of me feels prepared - I am completely Professionally Developed-out. I have spent the last two solid months preparing for this day. And here it is. I am about to become Mrs. Congdon - teacher.
I have not met my children yet, but I do know one thing. I already love each one of them. Even the ones that will probably make me want to quit at some point. No, it's not a lie - I really do love them all. I want to change these kids' lives and how can you change a life without loving them? I'm not saying that it's going to be easy. It will be, by far, the most difficult thing I have ever done in my life and probably the most difficult thing I will ever do, except maybe to raise my own children. But it's so worth it. It might take the entire two years, but I know I will look back and say, "I would do it all again."

Allen Graham and lessons in seeing beyond the obvious

Every class has that one particular student who just cannot seem to get it together. For our class in good 'ole Room 400, that student was Allen. Allen Graham came to our class on the first day of summer school, seemingly innocent with a great big smile on his face. We soon discovered that Allen would be one of our most challenging students for our short three weeks of summer school.

Allen was a ball of energy - a big ball of energy. He stood at least as tall as me, if not taller, and was about twice my size. In all honesty, it was hard not to notice him when you stepped into our classroom. Allen had a hard time focusing. A hard time being quiet. A hard time remembering what I had just said. A hard time grasping the academic content. He just had a hard time with everything.

On some days Ms. FeldmanHall, Ms. Wright and I would sit and eat our lunch after classes were over, and talk about what kind of difficulty Allen caused in each of our classes that day. Allen caused quite a bit of frustration. There were, however, those moments when Allen would do something great and surprise us all. The week that I was teaching math, I had the kids take a few timed simple operations tests. Allen, who frequently scored second to lowest on many of his assignments, this time recieved the second to highest score on both of his timed tests. "Allen," I told him quietly, "Did you know that you got 33 out of the 35 questions right on your multiplication mad-minute?" He looked up at me and smiled and simply said, "Really??" It was in that moment that I saw his harsh exterior melt away, and you could just tell that he was pleased with himself. On another wonderous day, Allen insisted that we say our class motto before we began with Math/Lit Hour. Allen, who did not even want to say our motto - I am smart. I work hard. I will be proud. - during the first week of school was now up in front of the class, coaxing all of his peers to shout it out at the top of their lungs!

Clearly, the Allen that Allen portrayed on a day to day basis was not really the Allen Graham that I knew existed inside. I often found myself questioning why he felt that he needed to act out so insistently. Was it lack of attention? Did he really think that he wasn't smart enough? Or perhaps someone else had told him that he wasn't smart.

On the second to last day of school, I brought in cookies for the kids to snack on between final assessments. As I brought the boxes of cookies out, one of the students started to make cruel comments about Allen being overweight and therefore wanting to eat all of the cookies I had brought. I was not surprised, but still totally appalled. I looked over at Allen, and suddenly, there he was. Not Allen the boy who was always getting into trouble, or Allen the kid who could not seem to sit still in his desk, but this was Allen. A boy who must be deeply hurt by all of the comments that had come before.

Reflecting back on why Allen did what he did to give us so much grief this summer, I have come to my final conclusion. Allen is a boy who is in need of someone to love him. And it's not just Allen, but all of my students were crying out in their own way - Look at me! See me! And this is not a selfish cry for attention, but rather the kind of desperation that each of us has felt at one time or another. We simply want to be known and perhaps no one had ever taken the time to know Allen Graham.

As I step into the classroom this fall, I will certainly be laying down the law of what I expect of my students while they are in my class. But I will also be thinking about which one of these students will be my next Allen. I hope that I will see him or her and all of my students for who they really are. Will someone do that for Allen in this coming school year? I am hopeful.

"You don't need 12 year-old friends..."

This is probably the best piece of advice that I received during the entire institute. I my last post, I was reflecting on classroom management and whether or not it was/is something that I was/am going to be good at. In other words, could I whip these students into shape? Some of you are thinking - Of course! Amy is a very assertive and out-going person. And sure, I think of myself as a fairly outspoken person, but also as an EXTREME people pleaser. Toddler, adult, senior, teen, it doesn't matter. I want their approval and I want to be well liked. I definitely felt this with my new students. I found myself wrestling with the desire to be a good teacher/leader, but also being someone that they enjoyed having as a teacher and who was fun and endearing.

There was one particular day when my rambunctious 5th graders would NOT settle down. It was at the end of their school day and it was also Friday. They were ready to get out of there (and so was I!). No matter how hard I tried, they would not stop with their side-chit-chat, and I could only get them to focus for about 2 minutes at a time. Because of this, we did not make it all the way through our lesson. I was so frustrated. I ended up moving ALL of them down the consequence chart (a chart on the chalkboard that indicated how each student was behaving, if a student is misbehaving, they get moved down and must face the consequences, which get more servere with each offense). They were not happy. And neither was I.

All weekend I thought about how I had to go back into the classroom the next Monday and face my kids. Would they be thinking about how mean Ms. Congdon was last week? Would they resent the fact that I got mad at them? I had forgotten how forgiving children are. I didn't feel like anything bad had happened the previous week. It was just like any other day. I was so relieved, but also puzzled. Maybe I didn't need to worry about my kids liking me. Maybe they actually respected how I disciplined them on that Friday afternoon.

A few days later, I attended a mini-workshop on classroom management. Each person there had to share what they struggled with most when it comes to managing our classrooms. I shared my desire for my students to like me, and one of the leaders of the workshop reminded me that my students don't have to like me for them to respect me. "You don't need 12 year-old friends," she reminded me. "Establish your classroom culture of respect first, the like will come later." I can't remember what that persons name is, but thank you. I am a teacher. My students don't have to like me, but they need to respect me and listen to me so I can teach them important things that will inevitably change their lives. And I definitely do not need 12 year-old friends. :)